THE HEAVIEST ELEMENT ON EARTH

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element known to science. Its existence was proved during the hurricane, gasoline and other issues of the last year or two.

The new element has been named *Governmentium*. Governmentium (Gv) Has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called mo-rons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pe-ons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes
every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years. It does not decay, however, but instead undergoes
a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more mo-rons to become neutrons, forming iso dopes. This characteristic of mo-ron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever mo-rons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since though it has only half as many peons it has twice as many mo-rons.