US Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency

Washington DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that the office of
President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India
as of July 4, 2007.

The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly
salary, and also a record $521 trillion in deficit expenditures and
related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should
be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot
expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level
of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming
the office of President as of July 4, 2007.

Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the
position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no
health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when
few offices of the US Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer
call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am
excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be
fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this
should not be a problem as President Bush was not familiar with the
issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree (similar to the one he uses for
computer tech support) that will enable him to respond effectively to
most topics of concern. Using these unrelated responses, he can
address common concerns without having to understand the underlying
issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years."

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final
day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be
eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he
will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will
exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc.
to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.

According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a
new position due to limited practical or successful work experience. A
Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive
experience shaking hands, as well as his ability to smile at adversity.