One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in
the field.
He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and
began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began harrassing him again.
Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet;
caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather
odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he
would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a
man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake
his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided
to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him
why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook
his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say
something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so
I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

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A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says, "Your butt is getting really big, I mean REALLY big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue." With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured her bottom. "Yes, I was right; your butt is 2" wider than the barbecue!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She says, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-butt grill for one little weenie?" (You saw that coming, didn?t ya?)