Nice Piece

As I was retrieving a shopping cart in Wal-Mart yesterday, a particularly unkempt, unattractive and mean spirited woman who actually reeked of body odor pushed me aside.

Shoving past me, the woman snarled at her kids, almost knocking another older lady down, grabbed the first cart and swung it around, hitting an older man working there as a Wal-Mart Greeter.

As she pulled the cart away from the Greeter's stomach, in a kind and friendly voice the Greeter said, while gesturing towards the two children," Are they twins?"

Glaring at him she snapped back saying, "No you old fool, the brat's 9 and the little witch is 7, are you so blind you think they look alike?"

"No," calmly replied the Greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice".

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Good Trade

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whatcha get the case of beer for?"
"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade!"