Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone
on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function
and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

M: "Hello"

W: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

M: "Yes"

W: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather
coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

M: "Sure...go ahead if you like it that much."

W: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005
models. I saw one I really liked."

M: "How much?"

W: "$70,000"

M: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

W: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house I wanted last year is
back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

M: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will
probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really
is a pretty good price."

W: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

M: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at
him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He smiles and asks: "Anyone knows whose phone is this?"

She said: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is
every night?
He said: A widow.
==========
THE LITTLE GIRL
--author unknown

Barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by.
She never tried to speak, she never said a word. Many people passed,
but never did one person stop.

Just so happens, the next day I decided to go back to the park,
curious if the little girl would still be there. Right in the very
spot as she was yesterday, she sat perched on high, with the saddest
look in her eyes. Today I was to make my own move and walk over to
the little girl.

As we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for
young children to play alone. As I began walking towards her, I could
see the back of the little girl's dress indicated a deformity. I
figured that was the reason the people just passed by and made no
effort to help.

As I got closer, the little girl slightly lowered her eyes to avoid
my intent stare. I could see the shape of her back more clearly. It
was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form. I smiled to let her
know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk. I sat down beside her
and opened with a simple Hello. The little girl acted shocked and
stammered a "hi" after a long stare into my eyes.

I smiled and she shyly smiled back. We talked until darkness fell and
the park was completely empty. Everyone was gone and we at once were
alone. I asked the girl why she was so sad. The little girl looked at
me and with a sad face said, "Because I'm different." I immediately
said "that you are!" and smiled. The little girl acted even sadder,
she said, "I know."

"Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and
innocent." She looked at me and smiled; slowly she stood to her feet,
and said, "Really?" "Yes, dear, you're like a little guardian angel
sent to watch over all those people walking by." She nodded her head
"yes" and smiled, and with that she spread her wings and said, "I am.
I'm your guardian angel," with a twinkle in her eye. I was speechless,
sure I was seeing things.

She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself, my
job here is done." Immediately I stood to my feet and said, "Wait, so
why did no one stop to help an angel?" She looked at me and smiled,
"You're the only one who could see me, and you believe it in your
heart." And she was gone. And with that my life was changed
dramatically. So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your
angel is always watching over you. Mine was.

He said: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
you?
She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
==========
SERVICE

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of
the word “service”: the act of doing things for other people". Then I
heard the terms: Internal Revenue Service; Postal Service; Telephone
Service; Civil Service; City/County Public Service; Customer Service;
and Service Stations - and I became confused about the word "service."
This is not what I thought "service" meant.

Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them mentioned
that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of his cows. SHAZAM!
It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those
"service" agencies are doing to us.
==========
He said: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said: They don't have time.
==========
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FLOWER

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read beneath the long,
straggly branches of an old willow tree. Disillusioned by life with
good reason to frown, for the world was intent on dragging me down.
And if that weren't enough to ruin my day, a young boy out of breath
approached me, all tired from play. He stood right before me with his
head tilted down, and said with great excitement "Look What I've
found!"

In his hand was a flower and what a pitiful sight, with its petals
all worn, not enough rain, or to little light. Wanting him to take
his dead flower and go off to play, I faked a small smile and then
shifted away. But instead of retreating, he sat next to my side, and
placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted surprise,"
It sure smells pretty, and it's beautiful too. That's why I picked
it; here it's for you."

The weed before me was dying or dead, not vibrant of colors, orange,
yellow or red. But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave. So
I reached for the flower, and replied "Just what I need." But instead
of him placing the flower in my hand, he held it mid air without
reason or plan. It was then that I noticed for the very first time,
that weed toting boy could not see, he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun, as I thanked him
for picking the very best one. "Your welcome" he smiled, and then ran
off to play, unaware of the impact he'd had on my day. I sat there and
wondered how he managed to see, a self pitying woman beneath an old
willow tree. How did he know of my self indulged plight? Perhaps from
his heart, he'd been blessed with true sight. Through the eyes of a
blind child, as last I could see. The problem was not with the world;
the problem was me. And for all of those times I myself had been
blind, I vowed to see the beauty in life, and appreciate every second
that's mine. And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose and
breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose And smiled as I watched
that young boy, another weed in his hand About to change the life of
an unsuspecting old man.
==========
He said: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring
and good-looking?
She said: They already have boyfriends.
==========
THE STORY of FOUR CANDLEs

http://i.euniverse.com/funpages/cms_content/2529/4candles.swf