MEMORIAL STONE
Joe died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.
"Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned
in close.
"How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Helen answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church.
The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the
memorial stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big
is it?!"
"Two and a half carats."

MID-LIFE CRISIS SOLVED

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said,
"Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap
apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but
I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not
holding up your side of things,"
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a
hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again
be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.
Aren't older women great.
They really know to solve your mid-life crises.