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Moon Or Sun
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night... look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." They started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

Talk To Him
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" Woman: "Why?" Man: "Because everytime I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere." Waiting For Love This guy in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you," she said politely." "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.

A woman brought a very limp duck into the vet. The vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. The vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your duck has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm quite sure. The duck is dead," he replied. How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador retriever. As the ducks owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner looked at the bill. She cried. "$900 just to tell me my duck is dead?" The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry, if you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $900."