An Arizona State Trooper pulled a car over on I-40 about 2 mile east of
Winslow. When the DPS Officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the
driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his
way to Holbrook to do a show that afternoon at the Government Center
for the County Attorneys Office and didn't want to be late.

The Officer told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the
driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a
ticket. The driver told the Officer that he had sent all of his equipment
on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Officer told him that
he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could
juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Officer got three
flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.

While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the
patrol car and an obviously intoxicated individual got out. After
watching the performance briefly he went over to the patrol car, opened the
rear door and got in. The Officer observed him doing this and went over
to the patrol car and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, "You might as well take my but to jail, cause
there's no way in hell I can pass that test."
==========
AN ABUNDANT LIFE
--by Robin Crow

In one way or another we're all seeking ways to find happiness and
fulfillment. And we all know that success alone doesn't bring happiness.
Mother Teresa said that the greatest poverty was spiritual, not physical.
It's easy to measure our material wealth, but to gauge spiritual wealth
we have to look at our lives as a whole.

How do we value our life and the lives of others? What are the depths
of our relationships? Have we used our gifts for the good of others as
well as ourselves? How well do we love? Happiness is not a byproduct of
circumstances, but rather a spiritual place we can tap into regardless
of our circumstances.

Our culture teaches us constantly to raise our standards for happiness.
It's partially human nature, but our focus on material things makes
matters a lot worse. Hundreds of times every day we are bombarded with
advertisers telling us that if we wear the right clothes, use the right
shampoo, drive the right car, or associate with the right people we will
be happy. When we buy our first 15-inch-screen television, we feel good
for a while. Over time we discover that it no longer satisfies our
demand for quality; we have now raised our standards for what is
acceptable. So we set our sights on a bigger and more expensive television that
meets our current definition of acceptable. This time it's a 27-inch set
with a better picture and sound. For a while it seems like this is as
good as it gets. But then we start asking ourselves, "What if I had a
high-definition big-screen television? What if I had a DVD player? What
if I had a surround-sound system?" For a while we're satisfied until we
started thinking we need one for the bedroom and begin the process all
over again. It's a trap. These things may provide a brief illusion of
contentment, a sense of comfort and security, but they will never bring
lasting happiness. It is second nature to thirst for a full and
rewarding life, but we often look in the wrong places. If our quest for
material wealth is based on what we can get instead of what we can give,
then we will be left empty.

What happens after the high has worn off from the things we buy? We
must look within ourselves, not outside to TVs and cars and gadgets, for
real happiness. For only when we learn to change our inner world does
our outer world also begin to change. Happiness is not a state to arrive
at but, rather, a manner of traveling.
==========
THE GOLDEN YEARS

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's
office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor raises both
eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sex
advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says,
"There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have sex." He thanks them
for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says
goodbye.

The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist
to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This
happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has sex
with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm
sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?" The old
man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we
can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The
Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and
I get $43 back from Medicare."
==========
PRACTICING WELLNESS
--by Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

Most of us are unaware of what we need to do to optimize our health.
Sure, we have heard about taking vitamins, diet and exercise. But most
of what we know describes what we must do to minimize the probability of
becoming sick. Vitamins are described as a "minimum daily requirement."
Diets are described as "for losing weight." And exercise is usually
prescribed as maintenance of your current fitness. We know little of how
to maximize our individual wellness. So below are a few suggestions for
becoming optimally well.

Think of your health as an ongoing process. Maximum health is not a
state that you can achieve once and for all. No more than you can eat a
single huge meal and not eat for the rest of the month; you cannot make a
single change in your lifestyle and expect it to be permanent. To keep
yourself in optimum health, you need to maintain a balanced lifestyle
much like standing on a teeter-totter with one foot on each side of the
fulcrum. In order to maintain your balance (especially if there are
variable forces on the ends of the teeter-totter) you need to keep
shifting your weight from foot to foot.

Take control of your thinking. What you think about the majority of the
time will impact your physical health. Life-affirming thoughts have a
direct effect on your immune system. You can control how you design
healthy images and thoughts with which to fill your conscious mind. You
can decide what you think and how you think, thereby programming your
unconscious mind toward health or illness. Practice choosing language that
supports a healthier environment...both inside and outside your body.

Avoid thinking you are a helpless victim of circumstance, viruses and
microbes. Rather, take full responsibility for how you want to be and
how you want to respond in the presence of viruses, bacteria and
stressful circumstances. Make those choices that will strengthen your own
healing system. For example, if you know you have been in contact with
potential viruses, thoroughly wash your hands with soap and hot water. Most
viruses are killed by such activity.

Listen to your body. Pay attention to your physical well-being. Every
body is unique and therefore, it is essential that you learn to read and
interpret the signals that your individual body is giving you. Your
body is always sending you information about what you need for balance,
healing and for generating greater vitality.

Treat yourself as you would a loved child. You wouldn't force a child
to overeat, eat fatty foods, drink toxic liquid, inhale toxic air, go
for hours without sleep, or increase their level of stress. Rather,
nurture yourself by: drinking lots of water; getting a massage; stretching
and moving; sleeping long enough to restore your energy; learn
relaxation skills; take time to pursue your own enjoyable interests; develop a
grateful heart; and become aware of the nutritional value of the foods
you consume.

Develop positive friendships. We are social creatures. When we are
isolated, our mental, physical and spiritual health deteriorates. One of
the healthiest things you can do is initiate and cultivate vibrant and
enriching relationships with others. The quality of your friendships will
reflect the quality of your well-being. Optimize your relationships and
you maximize your health on all levels of your life.

Practice wellness like you would practice a musical instrument. Play
with your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and relational
well-being by daily practice. When you practice in the areas described above,
you almost guarantee you will create an optimal state of wellness in your
life.