1st kind = Smurf Sex
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

2nd kind = Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

3rd kind = Bedroom Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

4th kind = Hallway Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."

5th kind = Religious Sex
This means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

6th kind = Courtroom Sex
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is Social Security
You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.

Trip to Europe

A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I'm off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. Thereafter, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry".