GOING TO HEAVEN

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at
the Pearly Gates, when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood
curdling screams.

"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "It's only someone having the
holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the
conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling
screams.

"Oh my God," says the old lady, "Now what is happening?"

"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit
the halo.

"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell!"

"You can't go there," says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and taken advantage
of.

"Maybe so, says the old lady, but I've already got the holes for that."
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NO HABlA INGLES

Subject: no habla ingles'
<>
A Mexican woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever
after in Toronto However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English,
but did manage to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day,
she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn't know how
to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and
lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and
gave her the chicken legs.
Next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how
to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to
show the butcher her cleavage ! The butcher understood again, and gave her
Some chicken Breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a
way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
(Please scroll down)

What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English! Now get
back to your emails.
Geeee!, I don't know about some of you