HOW NOT to COMMIT a ROBBERY
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this: "Put all your money in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later while waiting in line at Bank of America.

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

TIME TO WAKE UP
Rich Johnson quips, "My mom always claimed to feel bad when a bird would slam head-first into our living room window. If she REALLY felt bad, though, she'd have moved the bird feeder outside."

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change; The courage to change the one I can; And the wisdom to know that person is me."

A man called the local township administrative office to request the removal of the "Deer Crossing" sign on his road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge? To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."