He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what
looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie. But
this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray
dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked
behind one ear.

"Well, cowboy," says the genie, "You know how I work. You have three
wishes."

"I'm not falling for this", said the cowboy. "I'm not going to trust an
IRS genie."

She smiled and said, "What do you have to lose? You've got no
transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie
is right. He said, "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of
food and drink."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen.
And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. The
genie said, "OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish?"

"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare
gold coins and precious gems. The genie said, "OK, cowpuncher, you have
just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says "I wish that no
matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***

He turns into a tampon.

The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's
going to be a string attached.

ON BEING HUMAN

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled
children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would
never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and
its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

"When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does
is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other
children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is
the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay,
physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to
realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other
people treat that child." Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew
were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?"
Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay
on their team, but the father also understood that if his son were
allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and
some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay
could play, not expecting much. The boy looked around for guidance and
said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I
guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the
ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench put on a team shirt with a
broad smile and his father had a small tear in his eye and warmth in his
heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the
bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still
behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove
and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was
obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning
from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom
of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and
the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was
scheduled to be next at bat.

At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to
win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a
hit was all but impossible 'cause Shay didn't even know how to hold the
bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing the
other team putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved
in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able
to make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and
missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly
towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a
slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over, but the pitcher picked up the soft grounder
and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would
have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead,
the pitcher threw the ball right over the head of the first baseman, out
of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams
started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had
Shay ever ran that far but made it to first base. He scampered down the
baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath,
Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to
second base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right
fielder had the ball, the smallest guy on their team, who had a chance to
be the hero for his team for the first time. He could have thrown the
ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's
intentions and he too intentionally threw the ball high and far over
the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the
runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

As Shay reached third base, the opposing shortstop ran to help him and
turned him in the direction of home base, and shouted, "Run Shay" As
Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams and those watching were on
their feet were screaming, "Shay, run home! Shay ran to home, stepped on
the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the "grand slam" and won
the game for his team.

That day, said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face,
the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity
into this world.

Shay didn't make it to another summer and died that winter, having
never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy and coming
home and seeing his mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

A wise man once said every society is judged by how it treats it's
least fortunate amongst them.

TEN PUNs

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each is carrying two dead raccoons.
The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other
says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused novocaine during a root
canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl!"

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up
a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition as unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would
not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So,
the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can
prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him "A super callused fragile mystic hexed by
halitosis."

10. There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends,
with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun
in ten did.

TRUE LOVE

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly
gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He
stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be
over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at
his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I
would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the
needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I
asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was
in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the
nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there
for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease. As we
talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that
she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five
years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even
though she doesn't know who you are?"

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I
still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and
thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance
of all that is, has been, will be and will not be.