Top 20 excuses that Tazzy is giving Jack for not coming home: 20. A descendent of Don Corleone made me an offer that I couldn't refuse. 19. Wasn't allowed to board the plane due to my uncanny resemblance to Sudam Hussein. 18. Too busy deciphering latin inscriptions. 17. Yodeling lessons went longer than I had planned. 16. Delta is bankrupt and there are no planes back to the states. 15. Decided to become a priest. 14. Decided to become a nun. 13. Met an Arnold Schwartzenager look-alike. 12. Have a hang nail on my toe and can't travel. 11. One word - weiner schnitzel. 10. The Italian flag is much more colorful. 9. Non parlo inglese. 8. Can't find any place to exchange my euros. 7. Gelato - it's really fat free! 6. I fell down the Veronese equivalent of the Spanish steps and dislocated my hip. 5. The war broke out and I was afraid to travel. 4. Carlo Ponti is not dead after all...and he asked me to spend the weekend on the Amalfi coast. 3. Sophia Loren's double got sick and I had to fill in. 2. Jack, it's ONLY July 5th. 1. Because I don't want to, damn it! |