Being Unfriendly
One day a man came home from work earlier than usual and caught his wife in bed with his best friend.
Enraged, the husband grabbed a gun and shot his friend to death.
His wife said, "Ya' know, if you go on like this, you're going to lose ALL your friends."

New Partner
a businessman called his lazy son into his office and announces some great news: "From now on, son, i'd like you to become a full-time partner in the company. now, which part of the company would you like to be in charge of?".
"well", said the son, "I hate the shipping room, I get a panic attack whenever I am inside the bookkeeping department, I can't get along with the people at sales"...
His father stopped him and said: "Well then, what WOULD you like the most, as a full-time partner"?
The son replied: "I guess the most of all, I'd like you to buy me out".

3 Shots Of Whiskey
An Irish guy goes into a bar in America and asks for three separate shots of Whiskey. He drinks one, waits a little bit, then drinks the second one, waits a little bit more, and then drinks the third one. This goes on for a few days, and finally the bartender tells him: "You know sir, I can put all three shots in one glass for you".
The guy replies "No, I prefer it this way. You see, I'm very close to my two brothers. They are both still in Ireland, and this represents a drink for each of us. When I drink like this, I feel like we are drinking together again, all three of us".

This goes on for several months, and then one day the guy walks into the pub and asks for only two shots.
The bartender is worried that maybe something happened to one of his brothers.
"Is everythink OK"? he asks.
"What do you mean", answers the guy.
"Well, for months you have been asking for three shots. now you order two. Did something happen to one of your brothers?", the bartender asks.
"No", replies the Irish guy, "Theyr'e fine. It's just that I quit drinking".

Comeback
A doctor tells his old patient: "Mr. Jones, the last check you gave me came back".
The patient answers: "Then we are even, Doc. So did my arthritis"