Schwarzenegger's War on Obesity Sparks Massive Power Outage
The governor steps up the war on obesity by bombing a popular donut shop in Southern California, causing a massive power outage. Some scrawny people are among the dead and missing. By Gingko Schwartz
DOWNEY, Ca. — the opening salvo in the real war on obesity began today in California. A U.S. MC-130 allegedly dropped a Daisy Fatcutter bomb on a Krispy Kreme in downtown Downey. According to witnesses, donuts and fat people parts were spread across four city blocks.

Reports coming out of Sacramento confirm that Governor Schwarzenegger has indeed made the decision to escalate the war to the next level, but the governor denies claims that the bombing caused the massive power outage in Los Angeles.
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"People who harbor fat people will share the same fate as the fatties they're protecting." — Governor Schwarzenegger, via his spokesperson
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Speaking of the attack, a Schwarzenegger spokesperson said, “The governor has asked people repeatedly to lose weight and exercise, but they've ignored his request. We've told people to follow certain food guidelines and they haven’t. What's so difficult about five fruits and vegetables a day?! Fat people cost the state five billion dollars a year and take up valuable space in a state that's growing short on space. The governor feels strongly that we can no longer absorb the cost of their gluttony. This means war.”

Apparently, on one occasion, it cost the State $150,000 to extricate a fat person from a public bathroom stall and fatties are being blamed for increased health care costs that have beleaguered California.

General Richard Adams of the California National Guard described the Downey attack as an unqualified success. “We have taken out one of their vital support elements. People better think twice before heading to their local donut shop to stuff their fat faces with rich and delicious éclairs.”

Obese people aren’t going to take this recent offensive lying down — even though many would prefer to do so.

A spokesperson for the obese, Roland Round, promised retaliation, “If they want war, then it's war they'll get. We're bigger than all those scrawny complainers. Let them consider what it'd be like to be accidentally caught between my butt cheeks, if you know what I mean!"

But fat people weren’t the only ones in the fatal Krispy Kreme attack this morning. Two thin people and one person of normal weight were in the store when the attack occurred.

Schwarzenegger’s spokesperson said that they were still investigating the report, but added, “This might not be the right time to associate with fat people, or to frequent places fat people enjoy. People who harbor fat people will share the same fate as the fatties they're protecting. We have to assume that if you have fat friends then you are probably on the road to Fatville yourself — and we can't let that happen.”