Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their
days interesting. Well, for example, the other day Marilyn and I went
into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5
minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior
citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called
him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for
having worn tires. So Marilyn called him a shithead.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the
first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20
minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a
little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

******************************************************************************

TICKLE ME ELMO

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo
toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is
hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day
promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's
door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is
backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2
men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so
backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor
and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands
Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush
red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in
amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and
begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of
hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. "I'm sorry," he
says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, "but I think you
misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

****