December 15: Dearest John, I went to the door today and the postman
delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I
couldn't have been more surprised. With deepest love and devotion,
Agnes

December 16: Dearest John, today the postman brought your very sweet
gift. Just imagine - two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very
thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes

December 17: Dear John, oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I
really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens.
They are just darling, but I must insist, you've been too kind. Love,
Agnes

December 18: Dear John, today the postman delivered four calling birds.
Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough?
You're being too romantic. Affectionately, Agnes

December 19: Dear John, what a surprise! Today the postman delivered
five golden rings; one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I
love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my
nerves. All my love, Agnes

December 20: Dear John, when I opened the door, there were actually six
geese a laying on my steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh?
Those geese are huge, where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are
complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop! Cordially,
Agnes

December 21: Dear John, what's with you and those friggin' birds???
Seven swans a swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird shit
all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep
at night and I'm a nervous wreck, it's not funny. So stop with the
friggin' birds! Sincerely, Agnes

December 22: O.K. BUSTER, I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am
I going to do with eight maids a milking? It's not enough with all
those birds and eight maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn
cows. There is cow shit all over the lawn and I can't move in my own
house. Just lay off me, smart ass. Agnes

December 23: Hey Shithead, what are you some kind of sadist? Now
there's nine pipers playing. And damn, do they play! They've never stopped
chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are
getting upset and they're stomping all over those screeching birds. What
am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours, Agnes

December 24: You rotten dick, now there's 10 ladies dancing. I don't
know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all
night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea My living
room is a river of shit! The Commissioner of Building has subpoenaed me
to show cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm siccing the
police on you, Agnes

December 25" Listen Shithead, what's with the 11 lords a-leaping on
those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those
pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the
cows. All 23 of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in
the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, the rotten vicious swine. Yours sworn
enemy, Agnes

December 26: LAW OFFICES BADGER, BENDER & CAJOLE 303 Knave Street
Chicago, Illinois. This is to acknowledge your latest gift of 12 fiddlers
fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes
McHolstein. The destruction of course was total. All future
correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss
McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to
shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for
your arrest. Cordially, Badger, Bender & Cajole
----------
THE SIMPLE DIFFERENCE
--by Steve Goodier

Calvin, of the "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strip fame, once imparted some
timeless wisdom: "If people sat outside and looked at the stars each
night," he observed, "I'll bet they'd live a lot differently."

I believe he's right. Year by bewildering year, our world grows more
complex. We crave peace within our souls. We long for simplicity in lives
that too easily become inexplicably tangled in complicated webs.

David enjoyed the simple things of life. He sometimes took jobs at dude
ranches, national parks and seasonal resorts. His brother, however,
wanted to entice him to get a "real" job and live in a world surrounded by
things that only money can buy. David's brother often sent him photos
of himself enjoying the so-called "good life." He labeled his snapshots
"My new sound system" or "My new car."

But the photos stopped arriving after David responded with a picture of
his own. He sent his brother a large poster with a breathtaking view of
Wyoming's Grand Teton National Park. On the back was David's message:
"My back yard."

I believe I understand how David feels. "The Good Life" is not defined
by possessions, but by pure and utter enjoyment of simplicity.

John Burroughs (1837-1921) put it like this: "To find the universal
elements enough; to find the air and the water exhilarating; to be
refreshed by a morning walk or an evening saunter...to be thrilled by the
stars at night; to be elated overa bird's nest or a wildflower in spring --
these are some of the rewards of the simple life."

Those who take time to find pleasure in the ordinary DO live
differently. The simple difference is this: because they have learned to live
simply, they have learned to live.
----------
THEY WALK AMONG US

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old
fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to
good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat
there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided
that people were too untrusting of this deal. It looked to good to be
true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day
someone stole it.
---
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which
direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun
waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for
sometime. She shook her head and said,
"Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
---
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I
got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was
open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to
end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" .
---
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we
overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn
she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a
convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
---
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through
a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
---

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier
multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount on both.
---
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to
the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never
showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained
professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane
arrived yet?"
---
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza
to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like
it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before
responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to
eat 6 pieces.
----------
TRULY LISTENING
--by Steve Goodier

I believe it was Phyllis Diller who said, "We spend the first twelve
months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the
next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."

When I recall my grandmother, I often remember the day she did NOT tell
me to sit down or to shut up. Instead, she listened to me -- truly
listened. And what a difference it made!

I was about eight years old and happened to be casually talking with
her. I mentioned that it seemed to me that I could not breathe as well as
before. It also seemed to me that many adults operated on an assumption
that goes something like this: if there is no blood or smoke, then
there's no problem. So I was surprised when she said,
quite seriously, "Here, let me see."

I was even more surprised when she bent down and stuck her finger in my
nose! That should not have caught me off guard, though, because my
grandmother was blind. She "saw" with her hands.

"It doesn't feel right," she said. And a week later the doctor
confirmed that I needed surgery and eventually my closed septum was reopened.

Over the years, I've noticed that other people remember their
grandmothers fondly by recalling the aroma of home-baked cookies or remembering
sitting in her lap while she read stories. I remember the day she stuck
her finger in my nose. And I recall it with gratitude!

Bill Cosby has said so accurately, "If you listen carefully to what a
child is saying to you, you'll see that he has a point to make. So I
listen. And I answer them just as seriously as possible."

That sounds like a great way to treat children of all ages.
----------
HOPE

"Hope" is a unique and powerful short film with a message of peace for
the future. Combining animation, archival footage and live action, in a
multi-layered non-linear story, the film brings the viewer on a
fascinating journey through human existence.

http://www.dailymotion.com/cluster/news/video/xgdxt_espoir-visions-de-plume-blanche?from=rss