Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service

150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private
investigator - Alan Pinkerton for protection. That was the beginning
of the Secret Service.

Since that time, the federal government has produced a large number of
multi-letter agencies such as: FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc.

Now we have the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service".
Can't you see them now, these 'highly trained' men and women in their black
outfits with jackets saying across the backs: F.A.T.A.S.S.

The FATASSs are of course supervised by a special section of the Home Land
Security Section known as: Airport Security Service Home Office Logistics
Enhancement Section or the A.S.S.H.O.L.E.S.

I feel safer already.