If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and
I'll pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in there marriage was the husband's habit of farting
loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and

the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every
morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was
making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow
his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where
she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the
spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and
went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling
back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his
underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some
time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which
was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had
got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood
stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as
she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts

out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some
Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
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Two Old Seniors

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."

When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big turd he always was."

An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m." I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember where I live!"

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

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THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to send this to 5 or 6, maybe 10.
Oh heck, send it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are. Then something is supposed to happen . . I think......Oh Yeah, some will read it and some will delete it.