Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the
other, a Chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the one with the
Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."

The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs
with us." The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."
They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair
of dark glasses and started to walk in.

The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed." The woman
with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye
dog." The bouncer said, "A Doberman?" The woman said, "Yes, they're using
them now. They're very good." The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."

The lady with the Chihuahua thought convincing him that a Chihuahua was
a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought, "What the
heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed." The woman
said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer
said, "A Chihuahua?"

The woman with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a f**king
Chihuahua?!"
==========
ATTITUDE AND PERCEPTION

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,
and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I
think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful
day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had
only two hairs on her head. "Hmmm," she said, "I think I'll part my hair
down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had
only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear
my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there
wasn't a single hair on her head. "Yeah!" she exclaimed, "I don't have
to fix my hair today!"

Attitude and perception are everything. Have a good day! Be kinder than
necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Life may not be the party we hoped for...but while we are here, we
might as well dance.
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IRISH VIAGRA

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in
reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor.

"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".

"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra. Drop it
into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a
week to let me know how things went". It wasn't a week later that she
called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress.

The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was
horrid. Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened" asked the doctor?

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect
was almost immediate. He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle
in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his
arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to
tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to
me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute
nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband
provided wasn't good"?

"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! T’was the best sex
I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to
show me face in Starbucks again."
==========
THREE STEPS TO SUCCESS
--by Steve Goodier

Here are three simple steps to make things happen in your life:

DO IT. Dr. Norman Vincent Peale put it like this: "Action is a great
restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result,
but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful;
perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any
action is better than no action at all."

If you wait until you have all the facts or until you know how you will
handle every possible challenge that comes along, you'll never get
started. Begin somewhere. You can't accomplish anything until you begin. Do
it.

DO IT RIGHT. One poet put it like this:
"If a task is once begun,
never leave until it's done.
Be the labor great or small,
do it well or not at all."

It's true: if you don't have time to do it right, when will you find
time to do it over? Do it right.

DO IT RIGHT NOW. In the Spanish-American War, as the American soldiers
were trying to capture San Juan Hill, they were thrown back again and
again. The black powder ammunition they were using pinpointed their
position for their enemies. As soldier after soldier toppled, the troops
began to panic. Up rode Teddy Roosevelt, on a little horse named
"Texas," urging his men on. Encouraged by his bravery in exposing himself to
the whizzing bullets, the troops began to cheer their commander.

"Don't cheer, men," Roosevelt called out to them. "Fight! Now's the
time to fight!"

There is a time to cheer. A time to reflect. A time to plan. A time to
reminisce. But there is also a time to act. Those who accomplish
anything worthwhile know that time is now.

Do it. Do it right. Do it right now. These are three simple steps to
success.
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REMEMBERING WHOLENESS

http://www.rememberingwholeness.com/tuttle.html
==========
Peace, balance, & harmony.