A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3
wishes."

The woman freed the frog. The frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to
mention that there was a condition to your wishes - that whatever you
wish for, your husband will get 10 times more, or better!" The woman said,
"That would be okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make
your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women
will flock to?"

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most
beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, presto - she's the
most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world
and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will
okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, presto she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I would
like a very mild heart attack."
==========
HO’OPONOPONO
--by Joe Vitale

When I first heard this story, I thought it was an urban legend. How
could anyone heal anyone else by healing himself? How could even the best
self-improvement master cure the criminally insane? It didn’t make any
sense. It wasn’t logical, so I dismissed the story.

However, I heard it again a year later. I heard that the therapist had
used a Hawaiian healing process called ho’oponopono. I had never heard
of it, yet I couldn’t let it leave my mind. If the story was at all
true, I had to know more. I had always understood "total responsibility"
to mean that I am responsible for what I think and do. Beyond that, it’s
out of my hands. I think that most people think of total responsibility
that way. We’re responsible for what we do, not what anyone else
does--but that’s wrong.

The Hawaiian therapist who healed those mentally ill people would teach
me an advanced new perspective about total responsibility. His name is
Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. We probably spent an hour talking on our first
phone call. I asked him to tell me the complete story of his work as a
therapist.

He explained that he worked at Hawaii State Hospital for four years.
That ward where they kept the criminally insane was dangerous.
Psychologists quit on a monthly basis. The staff called in sick a lot or simply
quit. People would walk through that ward with their backs against the
wall, afraid of being attacked by patients. It was not a pleasant place
to live, work or visit.

Dr. Len told me that he never saw patients. He agreed to have an office
and to review their files. While he looked at those files, he would
work on himself. As he worked on himself, patients began to heal.

"After a few months, patients that had to be shackled were being
allowed to walk freely," he told me. "Others who had to be heavily medicated
were getting off their medications. And those who had no chance of ever
being released were being freed." I was in awe. "Not only that," he
went on, "but the staff began to enjoy coming to work."

"Absenteeism and turnover disappeared. We ended up with more staff than
we needed because patients were being released, and all the staff was
showing up to work. Today, that ward is closed."

This is where I had to ask the million dollar question: "What were you
doing within yourself that caused those people to change?"

"I was simply healing the part of me that created them," he said. I
didn’t understand. Dr. Len explained that total responsibility for your
life means that everything in your life--simply because it is in your
life--is your responsibility. In a literal sense the entire world is your
creation.

Whew. This is tough to swallow. Being responsible for what I say or do
is one thing. Being responsible for what everyone in my life says or
does is quite another. Yet, the truth is this: If you take complete
responsibility for your life, then everything you see, hear, taste, touch,
or in any way experience is your responsibility because it is in your
life. This means that terrorist activity, the president, the economy or
anything you experience and don’t like--is up for you to heal. They
don’t exist, in a manner of speaking, except as projections from inside
you. The problem isn’t with them, it’s with you, and to change them, you
have to change you.

I know this is tough to grasp, let alone accept or actually live. Blame
is far easier than total responsibility, but as I spoke with Dr. Len, I
began to realize that healing for him and in ho’oponopono means loving
yourself.

If you want to improve your life, you have to heal your life. If you
want to cure anyone, even a mentally ill criminal, you do it by healing
you.

I asked Dr. Len how he went about healing himself. What was he doing,
exactly, when he looked at those patients’ files?

"I just kept saying, ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ over and over again,"
he explained.

"That’s it?"

"That’s it."

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself,
and as you improve yourself, you improve your world.

Let me give you a quick example of how this works: One day, someone
sent me an e-mail that upset me. In the past I would have handled it by
working on my emotional hot buttons or by trying to reason with the
person who sent the nasty message.

This time, I decided to try Dr. Len’s method. I kept silently saying,
"I’m sorry" and "I love you." I didn’t say it to anyone in particular. I
was simply evoking the spirit of love to heal within me what was
creating the outer circumstance.

Within an hour I got an e-mail from the same person. He apologized for
his previous message. Keep in mind that I didn’t take any outward
action to get that apology. I didn’t even write him back. Yet, by saying "I
love you," I somehow healed within me what was creating him.

I later attended a ho’oponopono workshop run by Dr. Len. He’s now 70
years old, considered a grandfatherly shaman, and is somewhat reclusive.
He praised my book, The Attractor Factor. He told me that as I improve
myself, my book’s vibration will raise [sic], and everyone will feel it
when they read it. In short, as I improve, my readers will improve.

"What about the books that are already sold and out there?" I asked.

"They aren’t out there," he explained, once again blowing my mind with
his mystic wisdom. "They are still in you." In short, there is no out
there. It would take a whole book to explain this advanced technique
with the depth it deserves.

Suffice it to say that whenever you want to improve anything in your
life, there’s only one place to look: Inside you. When you look, do it
with love.
==========
HOMEMADE CHILI COOK-OFF

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is.
They actually have a Chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to
town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The
notes are from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was
visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently, I was honored to be selected
as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at
the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table
asking directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was
assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't
be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer
during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the
event:

Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
Judge # 1-- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2-- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild
Judge # 3-- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A bean-less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get
me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my
backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from
all of the beer.

Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid,
was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb.bitch is
starting to look HOT -- just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an
aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground,
adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and
I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me
needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning
my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to
stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will
eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except
that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips
anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried
about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which
slides unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like shit
to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed
me. I've decided to stop breathing, its too painful. Screw it, I'm not
getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it through the
4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili #8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balance chili. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out,
fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if
he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to
really hot chili.
==========
PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE
-from Steve Goodier's "One Minute Can Change a Life"

Someone noted that their life and their bank both have something in
common - they get out of them about as much as they put in. Which, as far
as my bank is concerned, isn't much! But it means I can get a great
deal of joy and satisfaction out of life if I am careful about what I put
into living.

Gary Player for years was a great competitor in national and
international golf tournaments. People constantly said to him, "I'd give anything
if I could hit a golf ball like you." Upon hearing that comment one
day, Player responded impatiently: "No, you wouldn't. You'd do anything to
hit a golf ball like me, if it were easy! Do your know what you have to
do to hit a golf ball like me? You've got to get up at 5:00 every
morning, go out to the golf course, and hit a thousand golf balls! Your
hands start bleeding, and you walk to the clubhouse and wash the blood off
your hands, slap a bandage on it, and go out and hit another thousand
golf balls! That is what it takes to hit a golf ball like me!"

His goal was to be at the top of his sport. That lofty dream requires
practice, practice and more practice. If your desire, on the other hand,
is to excel at living - to give and receive love, to experience joy and
to develop fulfilling relationships - then how much of you will you put
into your dream? These things, too, are possible with practice.

Do you actually practice love, even when you don't feel like it? Do you
practice finding joy even when you're unhappy? Do you work at difficult
relationships? It is not always easy, but the payoff is worth it!
==========
JUST a MINUTE

http://www.just-a-minute.org/movie.html
==========
Peace, balance, & harmony.