The woman went to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts
with certain basics.

How much do you weigh?" she asks. "115," The Woman says. The nurse puts
her on the scale. It turns out the weight is 140.

The nurse asks, "Your height?" "5 foot 8," says the woman. The nurse
checks and says that I only measure 5'5".

The Nurse then takes the blood pressure and tells the woman it is very
high.

"Of course it's high!" she screams, "When I came in here I was tall and
slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

The nurse put her on Prozac.
==========
GETTING THE ANGER OUT
--by Steve Goodier

I learned that a woman in Arkansas called her local police department.
She asked about the penalty for fighting. The sergeant told her that
she could be charged with assault and battery. The fine was $100.

"Oh, I want to beat up my sister," she said, "and I wanted to see if I
can afford it."

Anger must certainly be expressed, but this woman discovered that there
is a price for expressing it inappropriately. Which is why, in the
Japanese town of Yamanakako, visitors will pay hefty sums simply for the
chance to vent their anger in Yoshie Ogasawara's "Relief Room," the main
attraction of her four-story fun house. There, stressed-out business
persons, jilted lovers and enraged spouses can smash a large porcelain
vase, hurl ceramic ware into a soapstone peach tree from China and break
a few ceramic clowns in an attempt to express their pent-up rage. The
relief room owes its phenomenal success to our human need to express
anger appropriately.

But still the most effective way of dealing with anger is to express it
in words. "Talk it out" with the person with whom you are upset. As
William Blake wrote:

I was angry with my friend,
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe.
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

Anger must be "told" to be stilled. And if it is not possible to talk
directly with the offending person, find a good listener. Sometimes,
just "getting it out" is enough.

Further, talk it out soon, since unacknowledged anger is a malignant
tumor. "Don't let the sun set on your anger," but rather strive to
finally let go of each day's resentment in order to keep a clean slate.

Talking is still the best way to work through life's issues. And
besides, this way you get to keep the dishes for company!
==========
DEEP OBSERVATIONs

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in
his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." --Author
Unknown

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a
headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep
away from children." --Author Unknown

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable
job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the
end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." --Jeff Foxworthy

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
considering if there is a man on base." --Dave Barry

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat
it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the
day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." --Bob
Ettinger

"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to
teach you how to swim.'" --Paula Poundstone

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my
fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow
learner." --Lynda Montgomery

"If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators
would be dead." --Johnny Carson

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." --Paul
Rodriguez

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and
that's the law." --Jerry Seinfeld

"Suppose you were an idiot ... And suppose you were a member of
Congress... But I repeat myself." --Mark Twain

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." --Billy
Crystal

19) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you
a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of
that!'"
==========
ACT TWO
--by Steve Goodier

The date is June 24, 1859. Suddenly, there he is, atop a hill
overlooking the plain of Solferino. Napoleon's troops prepare for battle with
the Austrians below, and Henri Dunant has a box-seat view from his place
on the hill.

Trumpets blare, muskets crack and cannons boom. The two armies crash
into each other, as Henri looks on, transfixed. He sees the dust rising.
He hears the screams of the injured. He watches bleeding, maimed men
take their last breaths as he stares in horror at the scene below.

Henri doesn't mean to be there. He is only on a business trip - to
speak to Napoleon III about a financial transaction between the Swiss and
the French. But he arrived late and now finds himself in a position to
witness first-hand the atrocities of war.

What Henri sees from his hill, however, pales in comparison with what
he is soon to witness. Entering a small town shortly after the fierce
encounter, Henri now observes the battle's refugees. Every building is
filled with the mangled, the injured, the dead. Henri, aching with
pity, decides to stay in the village three more days to comfort the
young soldiers.

He realizes that his life will never be the same again. Driven by a
powerful passion to abolish war, Henri Dunant will eventually lose his
successful banking career and all his worldly possessions only to die as a
virtual unknown in an obscure poorhouse.

But we remember Henri today because he was the first recipient of the
Nobel Peace Prize (in 1901). We also remember him because of the
movement he founded - the Red Cross.

Act One of Henri Dunant's life closed June 24, 1859. Act Two opened
immediately and played the remainder of his 81 years.

Many people's lives can be divided into Act One and Act Two. The first
performance ends when one decides to ultimately follow a new direction
or passion. Henri Dunant's old life, driven by financial success,
prestige and power, no longer satisfied. A new Henri Dunant emerged in Act
Two; one who was motivated by love, compassion and an overriding
commitment to abolish the horrors of war.

For some, Act Two may begin with a conversion, or a turning point.
Others speak of a defining moment. However it is understood, the "old self"
is laid to rest and a new self is born - one governed by principle,
spirit and passion.

You may be ready for Act Two. It may be the next scene of a life that
counts.
==========
SAY IT!

This is bizarre Give it a try. When you move the mouse around her eyes
follow. When
you write something in the left space and then click on "Say it", she
says it!

http://vhost.oddcast.com/vhost_minisite/demos/tts/tts_example.html