WIT & WISDOM

THE SERVICE

The seven year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the
pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good
morning, Alex."

"Good morning, Pastor," he replied, still focused on the plaque.

"Pastor, what is this?"

The pastor said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and
women who died in the service."

Somberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling, asked,
"Which service, the 9:15 or the 10:50?
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WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
year-olds. "What does love mean?

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint
her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time,
even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." Rebecca- age 8

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne
and they go out and smell each other." Karl - age 5

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." Terri - age 4

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of
kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy
are like that. They look gross when they kiss" Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen." Bobby - age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a person
who you hate," Nikka - age 6

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday." Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still
friends even after they know each other so well." Tommy - age 6

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone
all day." Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old
clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." Lauren - age 4

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's
gross." Mark - age 6
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PUTTING OUT the CAT

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned
on a night light, turned on the phone answering machine, covered their
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi
arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat
they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.

They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to
eat the bird.

The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the
cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house
will be empty for the night. She explains to the driver that her
husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my
mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab."Sorry I took so
long", he says as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed.
Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to
take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a
blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass
downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car.
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WHO WILL YOU BE TOMORROW?
--by Steve Goodier

One man sat at a stop light. The woman in front of him was going
through papers on the seat of her car, and when the light changed to green
she didn't go. A green light is not a suggestion, you know, it is more of
a commandment. But she didn't notice.

When the light turned red again, she still had not moved. The man in
the car behind her now started screaming epithets and beating on his
steering wheel.

A policeman tapped on his windshield. "You can't arrest me for
hollering in my car," the man said. The cop asked for his license and
registration, returned to his car, talked on the radio for a while, and finally
handed the papers back. The driver protested, "I knew you couldn't cite
me for yelling in my own car!"

The officer replied, "I didn't want to cite you for shouting in your
car. But I was directly behind you at the light. I saw you screaming and
beating your steering wheel, and I said to myself, 'That man is out of
control. He's going to hurt someone!' Then I noticed the cross
hanging from your rear view mirror, the bright yellow 'Love Is a
Choice' license tag, the 'Give Peace a Chance' and 'Prayer Changes Things'
bumper stickers, and I was sure you must have stolen the car."

His behavior did not reflect his bumper stickers. But let's not be too
critical. Are we always the people we want to be?

We make changes by stretching. Personal transformation can happen when
the person we presently are does not yet resemble the person we hope to
be. Better to set high ideals and occasionally fall short than to
settle for mediocrity and succeed.

The important question is not, "Who are you today?" It is better to
ask, "Who will you be tomorrow?"

Remember: if nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.
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THE EIGHT IRRESISTIBLE PRINCIPLEs of FUN

http://www.eightprinciples.com
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Peace, balance, & harmony.