QUICKIES

A bum came up to me saying "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You
should force yourself!"
Another bum told me "I haven't tasted food all week." I told him "Don't
worry, it still tastes the same!"
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
During the war an Italian girl saved my life. She hid me in her
basement in Cleveland.
Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!
A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman "Can I park here?"
"No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.
A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The
man says, "I make a good living."
A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. "Who is it?""Blind man!" The woman, naked, opens the door. "Where do you want these blinds, lady?"