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Fatal Accidents
National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had funded a project
with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project
whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pickup
trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the
last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the
last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3% of
the final words were, "Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"
Bringing The Dead
George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his family, including his mother-in-law.
During their vacation in Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died. With the death
certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make
arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial. The
Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial
is very, very expensive. It could cost him as much as $5,000.00. The Consul told
him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to
bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150.00. George thinks
for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the
body back, that's what I want to do." The Consul says, "You must have
loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price".
"No, it's not that," says George.
"You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried
here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't take
that chance!
Miscellaneous Jokes
The church was jammed. Father O'Malley was beside himself. When Patrick McVey
came for confession, the priest said, "Look, you're always here. You're not
a big problem unless you've committed murder since the last time. You haven't,
have you?"
McVey shook his head and started out. At the door he met Dennis McNulty and said,
"You might as well go home. He's only hearing murder cases today!"
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Hussy.
Great Dames for sale
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children
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