Office Party
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."
"He’s an asshole," John said. "Piss on him."
"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You`re back at work on Monday.

Not Satisfied
A woman goes to see a psychiatrist. “Doctor,” she says, “my husband just doesn’t satisfy me sexually anymore.”

“Hmm,” replies the doctor. “Have you considered taking a lover?”

“I did that,” she says, “and I’m still not getting enough sex to satisfy me.”

“How about taking another lover?”

“I keep trying that. I have seven lovers plus my husband, but I still can’t seem to get enough.”

“My goodness,” says the doctor, “you’re quite an anomaly.”

“Oh, thank God,” says the woman. “Will you please tell them I’m an anomaly? They all keep calling me a slut.”