A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding
a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face The
father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking,
shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman in a blue business
suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup
of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee
cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets
up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of
the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and
then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently
and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free
hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the
father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the
father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've
never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you
a doctor?"

"No," the woman replied. "Divorce attorney."
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COMPASSION
--by Gary van Warmerdam

Common definitions of compassion read like the following: a feeling of
deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken with misfortune,
accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering. These
definitions create the idea that compassion requires us to join another in
their misery. Does this really help anyone? We may need a definition of
compassion that is more powerful. For true compassion we will have to
expand our understanding so we don’t mistakenly create more sorrow from
suffering.

Let us consider a definition which does not require us to suffer. What
if compassion is simply the active expression of acceptance for the
world and people just as they are? It entails a state of mind where there
is no judgment about a situation or a person. True compassion is being
able to look at the whole world without expectations that it should be
any different. We can still hold a vision of possibility for the world,
but we don’t use it as a standard of comparison for rejecting where
the world is right now. In this way we can avoid the personal emotional
reactions that create sadness, sorrow or pity.

In Buddhist practices sadness, sorrow, and pity are referred to as the
near enemies of compassion. Being compassionate involves understanding
the suffering of another without feeling sorrow or pity. When there are
these emotions, compassion has turned into personal unhappiness and
only adds to suffering. Feeling the emotional pain of another doesn’t
relieve their suffering. In actuality it adds to the collective field of
unconsciousness creating suffering.

If someone is suffering from hunger then it is more appropriate to
provide nourishing food. If they are thirsty, provide them something to
drink. If someone is in emotional pain bring your love and unconditional
acceptance. It would not help people for the caretakers to go hungry and
thirsty also. Although this is often the approach people take with
their empathy or sympathy when people are without love and acceptance. When
caretakers have emotional reaction of sadness or sorrow they nourish no
one. A compassionate person brings the nourishment of love and
acceptance to the situation that is starving for those emotions until someone
can feed themselves.

Sometimes the best action you can take to help relieve emotional
suffering of another is being present with your attention on the person and
say nothing. Oddly enough modern physics tell us that our attention
transforms experience. Although slow, other options driven by impatience
and reaction usually create more chaos. Trying to change someone’s
emotion is often driven out of judgment for that and sends a message of
rejection.In my own personal process I did more harm than good when I
tried to help. The desire to alleviate suffering is real, but the in which
this is actually done is not apparent, nor is it usually our first
reaction.

During the first couple years of intense personal growth I gained
clarity on how people created suffering through the beliefs in their mind. I
could see the habitual roles they were playing and the emotional
reactions they were creating for themselves. The bad news was that I didn’t
have much self-awareness in what to do and what not to do.

During that time I was eager to point out what people were doing and
what they could do to change it. I was not aware that I was serving my
conceptual idea of what should be, instead of serving them. By my
suggestions of what they should do I was sending the message, “You should
change.” Which is usually interpreted as, “I don’t accept you the
way you are.” I was unaware that in trying to help, I was saying, “I
reject you the way you are.” I was unaware that I was stirring up
more emotions related to lack of acceptance.

Quietly sitting and listening to someone sends a powerful message of
acceptance to them. They may feel that the whole world is wrong, but if
one person accepts them unconditionally they may begin to feel more
accepting of themselves. This is the seed of change that brings a new
perspective.

While the desire to make someone feel better is a natural human desire,
it can be distorted in our mind. If we react to another person’s
situation with sadness, frustration, or anger we will desire to stop
feeling these unpleasant emotions. Our mind holds an outside situation as
responsible for our sorrow or pity. Unaware of how we are creating our own
reactions, our desire to make ourselves feel better drives us to change
others. We are overlooking the role of our beliefs, assumptions, and
interpretations in creating our own emotions. In trying to change another
we have lost our respect and acceptance of another for where they are.

An example of this was a woman who was intent on saving the world from
suffering. She saw people being unhappy and was sad for them and
frustrated for their circumstances. She saw people drowning in a sea of
emotional suffering and her emotional reactions motivated her to dive in to
save them. I asked her if she could lift herself into a boat of
happiness with the world the way it is. “No,” she replied. She was an
unhappy person that wanted to guide the world to be happy, but couldn’t
get herself in the boat.

I pointed out that if we followed her logic we would all end up
drowning together. If I saw her suffering and unhappy then I would feel sad
for her. Now there would be two unhappy people. If two people saw us and
took the same approach then there would be four people suffering over
our frustration and sadness. Four more people could feel saddened and
frustrated by our plight and then there would be eight more in the water.
If we keep going in this direction the whole world would end up feeling
sorrow and pity because one person was unhappy. She began to see that
her logic of outrage, sorrow, and pity helped no one.

Helping someone from drowning in emotional suffering has to be done
from within the boat of compassion, acceptance, and love. Diving into
sorrow and pity your self will not help anyone and only adds to the number
in the waters. Some resist this approach and call it selfish to put
your happiness first. I disagree. Having emotional reactions and feeling
offended when the world is not living according to our personal beliefs
is the act of selfishness. I see expressing love for yourself and for
others is the most generous thing you can do.

For most people to look at the suffering in the world and not feel
some sadness involves disassociating from their emotions. Taking on an
attitude of “It doesn’t bother me,” is usually a mask of emotional
denial. This is often the case if a person is not aware of their
emotions or their compensating strategies. Developing true compassion may take
more practice than simple denial.

The motivation for this kind of practice is usually driven by a desire
to be happy. To be present with our emotions and not feel sadness about
the suffering of someone we love is not something we are conditioned to
do in our society. In this society it goes against the importance of
being right and feeling justified. To be compassionate you must give up
your personal beliefs about being right. By letting go of your own
personal agenda and embracing humility it is possible to be aware of the
suffering of the world without interpreting it as injustice and feeling
sorrow or pity.

The great barrier to seeing the world with compassion is our personal
beliefs about how the world should be. When we are attached to those
beliefs we have two pictures in our mind at the same time. The judge part
of our mind automatically makes a comparison and we end up rejecting
the present reality. Our desire and attachment to our imagined world is
what traps us in reactions. When we let go of our imagined perfect world
our inner judge has no grounds for rejecting the real one.

Some might argue that we should hold the vision of a better person or
better world and keep it in our consciousness or strive towards it. This
is a noble and valuable idea, but often the execution is distorted with
an attachment to time. We expect our vision of the world to have
already manifested and react with frustration or disappointment because it
hasn’t. By having these reactions we fall out of the boat and into our
emotional suffering.

We cannot help the world out of suffering if we cannot help ourselves.
It is difficult to lift someone emotionally higher than where we are
standing. This does not mean that you should do nothing People are
starving and people are in pain in the world and much can be done to help.
Recognize and be aware of the part you have to do for your self. You can
do work on creating peace within yourself as you work on creating peace
outside yourself.

A specific action that will help you to be more accepting is to find
and dissolve your core beliefs about how people should be. What
conceptual idea is in your mind about how the world should be and when should it
be that way? These artificial standards in the mind become the basis
for judgment and emotional reactions. The second step is to become of
aware of the emotions that these beliefs create. Becoming aware of the
emotional pain born out of these beliefs will motivate you to suspend your
belief in these artificial standards. In this process it may seem
sensible to let go of our expectations for ourselves first. This is actually
one of the hardest places to start. You may find it more productive if
you begin with an inventory of expectations of other people.

This process can be humbling. When I challenged my own beliefs and
break the cycle of my emotional reactions I realized how difficult it was
to identify and change beliefs. Realizing the challenge helped me be
more accepting of other people trapped in their own beliefs. I no longer
expected them to change their emotional state simply with my
suggestions. I knew that they would have to change their point of view and beliefs
before their emotions could change. Sometimes the process can be quick;
perhaps a wise teacher can help with a change of perspective. Other
times what is called for is being present and unconditionally accepting
for life as it is. As my awareness grew I became more accepting of all
the different dimensions of life. I also became more humble as I let go
of my personal agenda of how the world or people should be.

There is no difference between compassion and forgiveness. Both share
an attitude of unconditional acceptance for a situation or person as
they are without judgment or expectation of something else. When you
forgive people you let go of your attachment to your expectations and wishes
for something different. This is the same as actively accepting life as
it is. When you forgive people and the world for whatever they will do
in the future you will be accepting of them however they are. This act
makes it possible to live without judgment and the resulting emotional
reactions. In this way compassion for the world is the same as a
complete act of forgiveness. This is the pathway to a happy and compassionate
life.
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WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that
morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be
pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for
me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy
Birthday."

I thought, Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids, they will
remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a
word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat
despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss,
and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least
someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on
my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it
is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She
chose instead at a quite bistro with a private table. We had two martinis
each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office,
Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go
straight back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's
drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner." After arriving at
her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm
going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."

"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens
of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...on the couch...naked!
----------
TRADING PLACEs

Albert Einstein was making yet another round of the speaker's circuit,
but really longed to return to his work. On his way to yet another
speech, he mentioned to his chauffeur (who slightly resembled Einstein)
that he was tired of public speaking.

His chauffeur said, "Boss, I've heard your speech so many times, I bet
I could give it for you." Einstein laughed and said, "Why not? Let's
try it!" As they arrived at the venue, Einstein donned the chauffeur's
cap and jacket and sat at the back of the room while the chauffeur gave
Einstein's speech and even answered a few simple questions.

But then a pompous professor spent several minutes asked an esoteric
question, digressing often, trying hard to impress everyone. When he
finally stopped for air, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely
stare and said, "Sir, that question is so simple that I will let my
chauffeur answer it!"
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THE TEACHER MOVIE

An old favorite put to words and pictures.

www.teachermovie.com
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Peace, balance, & harmony.

Sir Peter of Sedona