Old Wedding
An elderly couple had been dating for some time. Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.

"Well," she says, responding very carefully, "I’d have to say I would like it infrequently.

"The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking over his glasses, he looked her in the eye casually asking, "Was that one word or two words?"

83rd Birthday
An old man in a nursing home was celebrating his 83rd birthday. One of the female residents stopped by his room to say hi.
"How are you doing today?" she asked.
"I'm celebrating my birthday, today," the man told the woman, “guess how old I am."
"drop your pants and let me feel your balls," she said.
The old man looked around and decided no one was watching, so he did as the woman said, and she began to feel his balls with her hand.
"You’re 83," she said.
"How did you know?" the old man replied.
"You told me yesterday."

Porcupine Injury
Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He
surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him
after an encounter with a porcupine.

After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he
returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.

"Fifteen dollars, Ma'am," he answered.

"Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed. "That's what's wrong with
you Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors.
Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?"

"Raise porcupines"